There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
