need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
