your thong is hanging out like whoa
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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