I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
