So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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