I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
