Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
