It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
