cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
