it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
