So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
