I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish I only lived at night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize