My balls are so social today.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
