she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
