I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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