new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
