she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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