Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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