I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
