no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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