He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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