Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
