first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There r osticjed everywhere
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
