I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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