right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
