my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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