We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
