god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
