I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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