Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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