Moan for me like Helen Keller
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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