we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
