So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
PANTIES FOUND
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