just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
