U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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