I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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