No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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