I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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