Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
