D3 body, D1 cock
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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