the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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