There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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