So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
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On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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