What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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