you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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