You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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