you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
