her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's blow job season.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
