small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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