You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
