She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
