I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
