We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
