today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
