Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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