just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
