you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
