The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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