fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
