Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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