she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
