Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize