oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
please come you make the beer taste better
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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