then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize