Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
