Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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