No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
