I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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