She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
