i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
