yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
