just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
