he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
