Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
