I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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