there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
