Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
