i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
