Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
