What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
